March 30, 2021

Morning Sixpack – Derek Chauvin Trial, George Floyd, Ever Given, Lil Nas X Satan Shoes

1 – 9 2 9

The trial of Derek Chauvin started yesterday. He's the Minneapolis police officer who killed George Floyd, which sparked global protests against police brutality.

Turns out, Chauvin didn't kneel on Floyd's neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. It was longer.


Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd on May 25, 2020 by kneeling on his neck for nearly ten minutes
Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd on May 25, 2020 by kneeling on his neck for nearly ten minutes

It also turns out Floyd was dead long before Chauvin took his knee off Floyd's neck. There are conflicting autopsy reports. The “official” autopsy claimed the cause of death was cardiopulmonary arrest. The family commissioned an autopsy, which found that Floyd died of “asphyxiation from sustained pressure.”

Both, however, did conclude that the death was, in fact, a homicide.

Now, we turn to the lawyers, where anything fucking thing can happen. I'm already having visions of the “OJ” trial, where everybody knew the fucking cops lied and planted evidence and, nevertheless, they also knew that Simpson did it.

As you may recall, OJ Simpson was acquitted. The “Trial of the (Last) Century” sparked the rash of “reality TV” shows we now have and which helped elect a carnival barker for POTUS.

Full coverage here.

2 – That ship has sailed

I wanted to make another joke about the Ever Given (with “Evergreen” painted on the side) ship stuck sideways in the Suez Canal…but, as they say, that ship has sailed.

Six days of being wedged into the sides of the Suez Canal and the Ever Given is “free at last.”

Here's how they did it.

How the Ever Given was "unstuck" from the Suez Canal
How the Ever Given was “unstuck” from the Suez Canal

3 – Coca Cola joins Delta Airlines in the “I wanna fuck myself today” sweepstakes

Yesterday, I reported that Delta just lurved the new Georgia voting law.

Later in the day, Coca Cola joined Delta at the blackface party.

Well, they weren't as idiotic as Delta (high bar), but their “low key” endorsement of said legislation was disappointing, to say the least.

Now, Coca Cola, along with the aforementioned Delta Airlines and General Motors, face statewide and national boycotts.

Put your money where your mouths are, electorate! Money talks.

4 – More Asian Hate

Wait. Hold up. That mini-headline is wrong. Asians aren't the problem here. They aren't hating on people and beating them up.

NEW YORK (AP) — An Asian American woman was attacked by a man who repeatedly kicked her in front of witnesses who seemingly stood by, according to surveillance footage released by the New York City Police Department.

The 65-year-old woman was walking in midtown Manhattan on Monday afternoon when a man came up to her and kicked her in the stomach, knocking her to the ground, the NYPD said.

The man then stomped on the woman’s face several times while hurling anti-Asian sentiments at her, police said. He later casually walked away, the footage shows.

The woman was hospitalized with serious injuries.


This has got to stop. I fully blame the ex-president for this hate against Asian Americans. The White House agrees with me.

I'm good with that. I'm not good with the continued assaults.

5 – Here's what post-COVID travel may look like:

Morning Sixpack - Derek Chauvin Trial, George Floyd, Ever Given, Lil Nas X Satan Shoes 1

Travel “experts” suggest that Americans will pick up travel at a rapid pace post-COVID. I don't disagree.

However, I don't believe we'll ever be “post-COVID.” It's here to stay. We fucked it all up when we didn't contain it early last year.

Now, variants are spreading like wildfire, and the virus is mutating like, well, a virus.

In any event, here's the quote from a survey:

A recent Vrbo survey of 8,000-plus people found that 65% of Americans plan on traveling more in 2021 than they did pre-Covid.


I, for one, don't care if I ever travel again. I hate flying (and everything about it, including smelly people who constantly rub up against me and make noise) and driving is fun but it's S L O W, even at 80mph. And don't get me started on “cruises.” They are floating petri dishes.

6 – Gay black rapper sells shoes from the Devil and the “Right” immediately calls for “canceling” him


Lil Nas X's unofficial ‘Satan' Nikes containing human blood sell out in under a minute

South Dakota bimbo Governor Kristi Noem even got into a twitter fight with Nas:

This is outrageous, disgusting and perverted and on #PalmSunday no less. Somehow @lilnasx thinks that Satanic worship should be mainstream and normal. I don’t think there have been better candidates to cancel than LilNasX and these shoes.

Kristi Noem, South Dakota Governor and Rightwing Nutjob

It's great when the “freedom fighters” who hate “cancel culture” call for the canceling of of a gay black kid who had the balls to pull a stunt like this that went viral.

666 pairs of the sneakers sold for $1018 each in less than a minute. For the math-challenged, that's $677,988. In less than a minute!

Lil Nas X: It's time for you to get into NFTs. I'm dead serious.

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